Livin' La Vida Loki
by Candistic
Summary: After I've failed to claim ownership of Midgard, I have to face the wrath of the Alfather. Worse yet, I have to be toyed by Thor and his friends. Just wait till I get a hold of Aether and get my revenge against everyone who made a fool of me!
1. Chapter 1: Beauty Spar

*epic music intro*

Lights on.

"Wake up already, sleepyhead!" a faint voice echoes in my ears, followed by a quake that shakes my bed.

_How dare you interrupt my beauty sleep? _

"Go away!" _Whoever it is. _I muffle into my pillow and smell lavender. _Mmmm..._This smells so nice. I don't remember how long I have slept, but certainly I do not appreciate any sort of disturbance right now.

I feel a strong hand cup on my shoulder. By the touch of his fingers, I know it is none other than my oaf of a brother, Thor.

"Damnit, Thor. Find something else to do!" I grumble and turn to the other side of my bed.

I feel a weight slump onto my bed next to me, making me bounce a little.

"Wake up, little brother. For Odin's sake, it's already noon!" he says. I feel his breath brushing on my face, the smell of protein shake lingers in my nose. His strong arm is pressed onto mine.

"Ouch! Your steroids are touching me!" I yelp, but my eyes are still shut. I pull myself away and pull the quilts over my chest protectively.

His fingers rub my arm, but I ignore him, so he pulls my pillow off my head.

"Wake up!"

I leap up and open my eyes, greeted by the pillow hitting me right in the face that sends me back down on the bed again.

"Argh!" I snarl and grab my pillow back.

My brother sniggers at me as I rub my head.

"Let's go spar, shall we?" he asks, but I am only half concentrated on his words as I run my fingers through my hair to fix it until his meaty palm slaps my thigh, sending a surge of pain through me. I cry out aloud and gather the quilt around my legs lest he makes another attack.

"Where's Sif? Or Heimdall? Or whoever your friends are?" I snort. "I thought you people are like a wolf pack."

"Yeah, but Father asked me to check on you," he says, pointing his finger gun at me.

I roll my eyes. "Yes, as if I could run away with these!" I flip the quilt off, revealing a large pair of shackles fastened on my feet.

"Besides, I wish to see you, my dear Loki," he holds my chin and tilts my head up as his eyes drill into mine. "Pretty face."

"Don't touch me, oaf!" I shout and push him away.

He snorts. "Defensive as ever." He grabs my feet and pulls me towards him. "You know, the servants told me that you didn't eat much these days. I presume you've lost your appetite after your..." He chuckles. "Failure to take over Midgard." His hands work on the shackles, but his eyes are on me, scrutinizing my expressions.

I feel his fingers brushing on my legs as my skin is smooth as satin, it is naturally irresistible. "Mmm...your legs are like silk..."

"I am covered in moisturizer while you are in dirt," I brag, then roll my eyes. "After all, Frigga always wishes for a daughter. So, sometimes, she covers me in her beauty products." I flip my hair. "I had _rebonding _last week. It was awesome."

His brow furrows in a frown. "What?"

I shrug, hear a click from the shackles, and feel the weight off my feet.

_Dang. Those things are heavy. _Red marks mar my perfect legs, but never mind. Nobody's going to see them in my boots.

"So, I will see you at two in the dining hall," says Thor before letting go my legs that I quickly hide under the quilts.

"Wait! What?" I shout, realizing what he was saying, as he is walking towards the door.

"See you there or I will..." He flashes a wry grin at me and leaves.

"Argh," I grumble and hop out of the bed.

I stretch myself and walk to the mirror.

_How beautiful!_ I gasp at the magnificent creature in front of my eyes. Though dressed in an old green t-shirt with repetitive patterns of a cartoonish horse and pair of trousers of same colour and design, I look incredibly alluring like a_ matcha_ green tea shortcake! I smile at the thought and begin digging in my closet for something to put on when memory tugs at me.

A faint voice of Thor rings in my head, _Spa...spa...spa...spa._

I roll my eyes and strip myself down to put on a pair of olive coloured boxers. I make a graceful turn in front of the mirror, admiring my well-built body.

I am not muscular like Thor, but I'm glad that I am not anorexic like Fandral, or voluminous like Volstagg. I call myself...mmm...just the perfect size.

Enough of self-admiration, I throw a green bathrobe over myself and stride out of my room, bumping into Lady Sif.

She gives me an ugly stare, but I say anyway, "Good morning," though I don't really mean it.

"Jeez... what diabolical plan you have in mind today, dressing up like that?" is her kind reply.

I shrug my shoulders. "Definitely not going to claim ownership of a realm in this."

She rolls her eyes in annoyance and strides away.

Mmmmmm... spa.

I am smelling sandalwood in the air already. I can't wait to ease myself in the embrace of perfumed warm water and let the gentle cascades wash over me, worshipping my heavenly body.

I am thinking of meeting Amora, the sorceress of Asgard and maybe ask for an ointment or two, but when I look up at the sky. No, it's already one forty five.

_Ah, never mind then. _I bet the oaf will announce to the world that I've run away or something if I am late and it will be awkward to be found in the backroom holding bottles of ointments.

As I set foot in the dining hall, three sets of eyes are on me. I gasp in horror as I see Thor, Fandral, and Volstagg all fully armed, wielding spears in their hands.

Thor's jaw dropped, but his two companions snigger at me.

I quickly put my hand over the slit of my bathrobe as I scurry towards my brother.

"You oaf!" I say in a small voice. "You said you wanted to go to a spa!"

"Spar, brother, spar!" He pushes me on my head. "But, I don't mind if you dress up like that anyway!"

I wish I could transform myself into a swarm of butterflies and fly away, but Odin has taken my powers away the day he banished me into the walls of my own room, locked under strict supervision of Thor as though I am some sort of troubled teenager.

His strong hand grips me as he pulls me to the arena.

"Nice legs!" I hear Fandral says.

The two of them are snickering behind me as we walk.

_How dare they!_

If I still had my powers, I would turn them into potatoes as they laugh, so that they would look like they were from The Annoying Orange show. But, right now, all I can do is to clench my fists real tight and swallow the anger.

"Here," says Thor as he finally lets go of me.

I rub my reddened wrist fumingly as I scowl at him, but he doesn't see me as he is busy covering himself with white cream he squeezes out of a tube. When he passes it to me, I learn that it is actually sunblock.

"You'll need that a lot!" says Volstagg before he and Fandral burst into laughter.

I purse my lips and turn around, not wanting to share my beautiful body with them as I smudge the sunscreen over myself.

"Are you done, Lady Loki?" I hear Fandral's catcalling, but pretend not to when another burst of laughter breaks out.

Just then, I hear my brother holler, "Alright, who's first?"

I turn around and toss the empty tube on the ground.

"Ladies first," said Volstagg as another volley of laughter rings out. I see him holding onto his bouncing belly as he laughs.

"Alright, then," says Thor, shrugging. Then, he passes me a long and heavy spear with a blunt end.

_Dang. _This spear is heavy.

I don't remember the last time I'm holding a spear, but..."Ahhhh!" My brother lunges at me in full speed, taking no prisoner.

I flick my hand, forgetting I no longer possess a power.

_Shit._

When I want to make a move, he is already right in front of me, slamming onto me with his rock-hard torso. I am flung a few feet away, crashing onto the harsh ground. I lose grip of the spear that goes flying few feet away from me in a loud clatter.

I feel fire burning on my back. Oh my back!

The hem of my bathrobe hikes up to my waist, exposing my long, slender legs that are now marred with cuts and scratches.

I quickly pull my bathrobe down as I meet Fandral and Volstagg's prying eyes.

_This is so embarrassing._

My cheeks burned with shame.

I feel the earth quakes as Thor rushes over to me, lifting me up with his strong arms.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I scream out aloud as his armour brushes over my wounded skin, realising we have company, lower my voice.

"Damn you, Thor! You, you, you oaf!" I slap him on his arm, but it is too hard, I hurt my palm, so I cry again. "Ouch, screw you!"

Suddenly, a thundering roar comes from the sky as a few spaceships line up above us. A sudden strong wind blusters by, tumbling my hair over my face.

I taste sand in my mouth.

Fandral and Volstagg take our sides as the three look up at the event above them.

I veil my face with my hands and peer through the cracks of my fingers.

_Jeez. Who's that?_

"It's Malekith... and his friends..." Thor comments. He turns to Fandral and says, "Inform my Father and others now!"

The thin one turns around and runs as fast as he can into the palace.

Suddenly, he loses his grip on me, dropping me at his feet in a loud thump as he yells for his mighty hammer, "Mjolnir!"

"Ouch!" I whine loudly, but apparently, no one's hearing it.

"Loki, get back into your room! It's dangerous..." is Thor's orders, but his voice trails off as the first missile whizzes in our direction and hits the ground few feet from us in a loud explosion.

A screen of smoke fills our vision as laughter fills the air.

I splutter and cough, struggling to pull myself up on my feet again.

When the smoke clears, Malekith makes a grand entrance from the biggest spaceship of all, flipping his long coat as he walks.

"It is time for redemption," he says it slowly, holding his two hands up for a dramatic effect.

I roll my eyes in annoyance as I hear gallops coming from behind us. Three of us turn around to see Odin, riding on my son, Sleiphnir approaching us.

Thor and Fandral greet their ruler, but his eyes set on me.

"Jeez!" the king of Asgard clamoured, "For my sake, cover up!"

I gasp in surprise, but before I can say a word of protest, Malekith shouts again. "Hey!"

~to be continued~


	2. Chapter 2: On the Run, On the Hunt

"It would be nice to ask if I would like some tea," Malekith scoffs. Then, he gestures his army of dark elves to start attacking the city of Asgard. A volley of missiles whiz towards the palace of Asgard, landing in thundering blasts and filling the air with smokes of explosion.

_By Odin's beard! What should I do now?_

My brain races for ideas. I start biting my fingernails as my eyes scan around me.

A few spaceships have landed in front of us, dark elves come flooding in and start slashing their weapons at anyone in their way.

My brother swings his hammer around, bashing up any dark elf that comes near him, roaring one-syllable word such as "Arggh...harrr... darrrr... wuuuuaaah" as every blow lands.

My foster father lashes his sword fiercely. He looks not a day after a thousand years old when he is at war.

Even Volstagg is fighting with all his might. His belly bounces off his enemies when they get too near.

I see Malekith retreats back into his spaceship and starts heading towards the palace.

_Jane! They are looking for Jane!_

Army of Asgard march in our direction and start fighting beside my so-called father and brother.

But, right now, there's only one thing in my mind- Escape from Asgard.

_Muahahahahaha!_

Here's it. The best chance. Everyone's at work. Nobody has time to think about me.

Heimdall's probably too busy defending the palace that I can even moonwalk across Bifrost and no one will bat an eye!

This thought amuses me and leaves a secretive smirk on my face.

I dodge my way through the traffic, carefully not treading on the bodies piling up on my way.

But, as I set foot on the palace, I hear a familiar voice, stopping me at my track.

"Loki, darling!" Frigga's sweet voice rings in the hall.

I turn around and meet my mother's face. But, she isn't alone.

Jane. She's with her. And she's holding a tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

"Look at you," my mother cries as she approaches me. "You are covered in dirt!" She dusts the dirt off my bathrobe and pulls me into her chest. "How are you, darling?"

My heart melts. _Argh, I hate this. _There's always something holding me back from running away into the horizon of my new future. My mother.

"I am fine," I say coldly, not wanting to show my expressions in front of this spiteful woman Thor calls his girlfriend. "What are you doing?"

"We were making cookies in the kitchen when the dark elves came," says Frigga smilingly as she waves at the tray in Jane's hand, but she stops me when I want to take one for myself. "Ah, ah, no snacks between meals. These are for tea time."

I purse my lips.

"Your mother is a great baker," adds Jane, beaming at Frigga.

"Oh, that's too high a compliment."

I almost forget what I am supposed to be doing.

"No, wait. The dark elves. They come for you!" I cry at Jane.

She drops the tray in a loud clatter as she gasps.

The servants quickly clean the mess up.

_Oh, great! _I roll my eyes.

"They want their Aether back! It's in you!" I add.

"What should we do now?" she cries.

"I have an idea!" my mother says. "Come with me."

"Yes, ma'am," says Jane readily.

"You too, Loki!" she grabs my hand and steers me into one of the many halls of Asgard Palace.

I tilt my head back to Bifrost and press my lips together.

We wait for a long while before Malekith finally discovers where we are hiding. His spaceship crashes through the walls, making us jump in shock.

The sliding door opens, but is stuck in the middle, so he has to slip out like a shadow.

"Sorry, that was awkward," he greets. "Well, well, well, finally, what belongs to me, returns to me!"

"You're not getting anything today!" my mother yells, standing in front of us.

Malekith has company. He has two assistants shadowing him.

I gulp as Malekith lits up a cigarette and breathes out a puff of smoke. His assistants get hold of my mother and Jane as he shots me a wry smile.

The two women shout and struggle. I try to stop the dark elf from hurting my mother, but with a swift movement of hand, he pushes me onto the ground.

"Are you okay, Loki?" my mother screams in worry.

"Aren't you the infamous brother of Thor who tries to take over Midgard?" Malekith scoffs.

I pull myself up and scowl at him.

"If you hurt my mother, I will kill you," then motions in Jane's direction and shrugs. "But, you can take her."

"Loki!" Jane snarls, glaring at me.

Malekith strides towards me and suddenly with a strong hand, grabs hold of my neck, making me yelp.

"Ha, serve you right!" laughs Jane.

"Let me go! I have no Aether in me!" I cry, kicking my legs in air. Then, with great effort, point into Jane's direction. "She has!"

Malekith brings me close to his face and puts his nose at my neck, picking up the scent on me. He smells of smoke, choking me with every breath I take.

"You smell heavenly," he remarks. "Ylang ylang, isn't it?""No, it's jasmine." I say.

Suddenly, he flings me into one of the couch and before I can pull myself up, he plops next to me, wrapping one arm around my waist.

My bathrobe slides down my right shoulder, exposing a big part of my chest, making me feel even more uncomfortable. I want to fix it back, but I am pinned down, unable to move a muscle.

"Don't hurt my child!" is my mother's warning.

"So," Without so much of a ceremony, he motions his hand towards Jane.

She screams out aloud as though an invisible laser shoots through her.

I see a veil of red mist radiating from her body.

_Yes! Aether! _If Malekith hadn't held me down, I would pounce onto the woman and let the powerful substance consume me.

Suddenly, my mother steps onto the foot of the elf that holds her, with her killer heels.

Her captor screams out aloud and she takes this chance to bring him down in a blow. She turns around and makes a roundhouse kick at Jane's captor, sending him crashing onto the wall behind him.

Malekith gasps as he lowers his hand and stands up. But, he grabs hold of me and pulls me close to his chest.

I feel something sharp, possibly a blade pointed at my back.

Jane collapses onto the floor in an unattractive heap next to the fallen elves.

"Let my child go!" my mother demands.

But, he responds with a snigger.

"You think so?" he laughs.

"Raaawwwrrr!" my brother appears at the door, swinging his hammer around, ready for a battle.

"Guess I will take this, then," he hops towards the large balcony where another spaceship arrives just on time. He chucks me into his ride and hops in.

I see my brother rushing towards us, but it is too late as the door snaps in front of him, who crashes onto it with a loud racket and slides down in a pile on the floor.

"Thor!" I scream, but wait. _Why am I screaming? _But, it was a good move. Now that they will think I care being taken away.

I see Odin coming in afterwards, but I only hear his muffled voice saying to Frigga. "Hey, how are your cookies?" He is totally heedless of me being kidnapped away.

_Fine!_

The spaceship flies at Malekith's command. I turn around and meet Malekith's evil smile.

This may be a good chance for me to escape Asgard.

Yes, this is a blessing in disguise.

"Thanks for taking me with you," I say, pulling myself up from the floor and fix my bathrobe.

He doesn't answer me, so I look away into the window next to me.

Asgard is half-destroyed, but the war is still on. A few spaceships still hover around the palace of Asgard.

"What is your plan?" finally Malekith says. "You are downtrodden. Your powers have been taken away. What else can you do?"

"I will plan later," I say. "All I want right now is to get out of Asgard."

He wants to say something when the whole spaceship quakes. I quickly hold onto something before realising that it is hit. A flash of lightning bleaches the sky as a loud thunder roars.

_Thor! Damnit! _

"We are losing altitude!" the pilot hollers as oxygen masks deploy from the compartment above us.

I see Thor flying past the window next to me.

"I will save you, Loki! I will!" His muffled voice rings out.

_Argh. I don't want you to save me!_

I turn to Malekith.

"Malekith! Do something!" I shout.

He pounces onto me, his paws grabbing my shoulders.

"It's because of you he's after us!" he shouts, his spit flying all over my face. Suddenly, I feel a strong gust of wind blowing on my back and as I turn around, I learn that the door is open.

"No, please don't!" I plead, holding onto his arms tightly as he tries to ram me out of the door. "No, don't! Don't! Bring me with you, please!"

"No, we can't! You're a burden. Please return to your brother!" he tries to free himself from my grip, but I'm not giving up.

We struggle for a while until the spaceship makes a sharp turn, sending me off the door as my bathrobe slips off my body.

I'm free falling, with nothing but my boxers on.

Wind's whipping my skin like razor blades as I scream out aloud. My stomach's twisted in knots.

This is it. This is the end of me.

This will end all my suffering.

I close my eyes, forgetting that I will hit something and fall into death's cold embrace.

But, something warm and familiar snakes around my waist. Suddenly, I feel that I've stopped falling. I am soaring.

I open my eyes and see a familiar face.

"Thor!" I snarl.

"Brother, I saved you. You owe me one!" he grins and winks at me.

I find myself in his embrace. Suddenly, as I look down again, a surge of fear shoots in me. I cling my legs around his waist, bury my face in his chest, and wrap my arms around his head.

"Stop! Let me go, Loki! I can't see!" he shouts.

I feel a sharp turn in direction, then another, and another.

But, I can't will myself to let go. I am scared.

He lets go off my waist and pulls my arms off.

I lose grip and fall away from him again, but he catches me in a swift movement, scooping me up again.

"Are you trying to kill us?" he scolds, but I've lost my voice.

He chucks me down on Bifrost, and with a note "Return to your room now!", takes flight

My gaze follows him as he flies off into the distance before a grin moulds on my face.

_This is it! The great chance for me to escape!_

I can't help grinning to myself as I run towards the golden dome where the portal lays, but I come into a halt when I see Heimdall, still standing calmly with a sword in his hand.

"He...Heimdall? Don't you have something to do?" I say, gesturing towards the palace with a thumb.

"I am the guardian of the gate. All I do is to guard this gate," he says matter-of-factly, his eyes look drooping from lack of sleep.

"Really?" I cry. "Is that what Odin pays you for?"

He yawns, not answering me.

My brain works for an idea.

I need to get his sword into the activation dock so that the portal to Midgard will open, but asking him nicely is apparently not a good idea as Odin has announced to the world I'm grounded for life.

"Jeez, you look tired," I remark.

"What are you doing here?" he says coldly.

"Nah, just hanging around. You know, Asgard's at war and I'm nothing but a downtrodden, fallen prince. So..."

"What do you want, Loki?" he asks again.

"Actually..."

~to be continued~


	3. Chapter 3: Slim Chance

I flip my hair, my glorious crown, dark as the night.

"What are you doing, Prince Loki?" Heimdall eyes me warily.

Of course, I hate doing this. It has to remind me of my old days when I fell in the filthy hands of Svaðilfari, the big, fat, perverted horse, and was...well, let's not touch that part.

I lean closer to him, crunching my nose in disgust. I will myself to put my head on his shoulder, but he pushes me away in a move of an arm.

"Knock it off, Loki," he scolds. "You don't want me to tell your Father about this, do you?"

_Oh! Threatening me with Alfather now, huh? _

"Why? Am I not good enough for you?" I bat my eyes, fanning my thick, sexy eyelashes at him.

"Loki, you are getting absurd," he says, turning away unemotionally from me.

My gaze falls on his sword.

_Dang. It never leaves his fingers._

I look up at the sky. Time is running out. I must get hold of the sword as soon as I can.

I reassess my choices.

Heimdall's no Thor. He's definitely not going to fall for my tricks, so flirting with him will definitely bring me nowhere.

I have lost my powers. I can't fight him. It will be foolish to fight Asgard's front line without armour, what's more topless.

I sigh. This is my only chance of getting out of here. When Malekith is fallen, I will have to wait for another catastrophe to open the door of my freedom.

That's it. I am going to risk it.

I hop up, with my utmost force, aiming for the back of his neck, but he's swifter, dodging my attack in a move, and watch me collapse at his feet.

I grunt in pain, but pull myself up in the next second.

He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, making me burn in anger.

I lunge wildly at him, mimicking my brother's antics. "Arrgghhhh...!"

But, he catches my wrist and holds me away from him.

"I know you want to break out of Asgard," he says calmly.

"No!" I lie. Then, muster up the most innocent face. "All I want is you..."

He rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"Nice try," he says flatly as ever.

"Why don't you believe me?" I keep pushing my luck.

"Because you, Silver Tongue, are renowned for none other than your ridiculous lies," he sighs. "Now, I shall bring you to the judgement of The Alfather."

"No!" I cry, trying to free myself, but my effort is futile. "Don't..."

_But, what is Odin going to do anyway?_

He must have been exhausted from fighting. Perhaps, has already fallen into Odinsleep. The worst he will do is probably casting me into a prison, which is better as I am protected from Thor's constant harassment.

"Protecting a traitor is treason," says Heimdall as he starts pulling me along Bifrost.

An idea flits into my mind.

I scream, pointing up at the sky above us.

_Ha! Heimdall's falling for it!_

As he gazes up into the emptiness, I give him a powerful kick at the crouch, making him bent over in agony.

I quickly reach for the sword and give him another kick in the shin before running back into the golden dome.

With a big grin on my face, I plunge the sword into the dock.

I smell freedom as a bright light bleaches the sword.

But, as I look up at the semi-transparent screen projected in the air, my face drops.

_Loading... 30%_

_Shit. _

I curse lowly and look back at Heimdall, who has recovered and is running in my direction.

I turn back at the screen, _55%...60%...75%._

_Oh, come on!_

I give the dock a kick as I curse.

Suddenly, a robotic voice breaks out, "An unexpected error has occurred. Restarting system."

"Shit..." My voice trails off as Heimdall pounces at my back, bringing the two of us down to the floor.

"You traitorous prince of Asgard!" he shouts, trying to pin me down.

I look up at the screen.

_50%...60%... 70%..._

Almost there!

He flips me over and now, I'm facing him.

"You will face the judgement of the Alfather now!" he snarls.

I purse my lips and scream like a victim of sexual harassment.

"You PERVERT!" I bring my arms over my chest and squeeze my eyes shut.

I see Heimdall's face twists in worry as he leaps away from me.

"Hey, don't dirt my purity, you trickster!" he bawls angrily.

_Ha! He's falling the second time!_

I hop to my feet when the robotic voice announces, "Loading completed," as the portal opens before my eyes. A strong gust of wind blows my hair.

_Here is it! My freedom! _

I am laughing uncontrollably as I run into my future when I bump onto the hard wall in front of me.

"Ouch!" I scream in pain as I fall onto the ground.

The screen projects another message, "You have insufficient access to perform this operation."

I gasp in horror as I see Heimdall's evil grin.

Before I get a hold of reality, I hear a familiar voice coming from behind me as the portal shuts.

"Loki, you have disappoint me again!" the voice of the King of Asgard reverberates through the hall, dulling the fierce beating of my heart.

I gulp in fear as I meet his angry face.

~to be continued~


End file.
